Live The Life You Love

my priority is for everyone to experience and enjoy a relationship as fabulous as the one I share with my husfriend, Joel – For a deeper understanding of how fantastic anyones relationship can be, I’d like to share the fairytale surrounding my relationship with this amazing man.

The Fairy’s Tale

In 1995 I was in my 10th year of school. Joel is my highschool heart-throb and I was his silent stalker. Don’t get me wrong, I tried to get his attention. I knew where his classes were and in between classes, I would race to my primary stalk location (between the maths block and the tuckshop) where I would wait for him to walk past so I could smile at him, in the hope he would smile back.

Well that never happend. Besides the fact he was the hottest guy inthe year above me, he was the quitest most gentle person I had ever laid eyes on. Little did I know Joel  had other distractions and girls wasn’t one of them. The reason he had such great legs was because he was a competitive cyclist racing for queensland, australia, so girls weren’t on the schedule. The years pressed on and Joel left school – I’d never spoken a word to him so the fetish passed and I developed my new highschool crush on the new bad boy at school – scruffy, rode a moterbike, rebellious hippy with a heart the size of tasmania, who I continued to date on and off for the next 7 years. Well that was quite an experience, he was impotent from a very young age and I decided to assign  some facinating meanings to why that might be – like: ‘I am less of a woman’ ‘ I am not desireable’ ‘I’m not good enough’ bleh bleh bleh which set me up nicely for a string of shonky realationships complete with  mental and physical abuse following my relationship with scruffy.  Being young at the time I had decided, from that initial learning relationship, all the things I didn’t want in my future relationships. I thought I was so switched on knowing all the things I didn’t want in my future life partner. What I didn’t know was ” You get what you focus on”

What You Focus is What You Get

Imagine that. Stats are a majority of us are used to this style of thought process. It’s human nature to pay attention to the things we would rather not experience again, which results in the same experience over and over – go figure!

So I got the ’shake up’ I needed from my very first life coach.  An understatement would be that Life Coaching changed my life for ever. Through lifecoaching coach facilitated the ‘discovery’ that my focus was attracting all the yucky things I didn’t want in my life – so over my next 3 sessions with her, I learned how to exercise my mind to attract the all the things I do want. I’d like to share with you the key that unlocked the secret to finding the man of my dreams!

It’s All About The List

I wrote a very specific list about the guy I would share my life with.  It ended up on a page as long as my arm with close to 1000 words. When I say specific I mean the list started with requirements like: male, monogomous, hetrosexual, non smoker – and it extended to very random things like: likes to eat dinner by candlelight. I had thought of everything. I’d be happy to share it with you if you are interested – you can grab the example list here.

So about 3 months after beginning my list I was hanging out on facebook and I noticed Joels name in the ‘people you might know’ section – (changed now I think its called friend suggestions) obviously I messaged him immediately and he ‘friend requested’ me. I politely declined his request with a message about how I know he has no idea of who I am because… and launched into the full Stalker Confession. Joel was flattered of course and wondered why I never approached him – (he was a year ahead of me & at the time SO out of my league! heh heh!)

The correspondance went on for a good 5  months or so with no intention from either party to persue anything more than a friendly ‘chat’ over the Instant Message. So by month 5 we still hadn’t spoken and on Joels 30th birthday I surprised him with a phone call singing happy birthday. This conversation led to many others via phone and skype – to the point where we were falling asleep over the phone and waking each other up in the morning. Very Sweet. So by month 6 Joel decided he would fly to Cairns to meet me. I was excited and nervous, I hadn’t seen many photos and the ones I had seen I was certain they were photoshopped, the 6 pack like the one he had in his picture just didn’t look natural – I’d asked for ‘fit and healthy’ in my list so I wasn’t expecting ‘greek god’… Anyway so Joel flys up to visit and I’m at the airport almost hyperventilating – wondering what am I doing here, I’ve never met this guy, what if our ferromones don’t match??? I decided if he didn’t fit in my Nissan Pulsar Hatchback, it wasn’t going to work.

Well I was plesantly surprised when a very familar face walked into the arrivals lounge… He was just as I had remembered from school, 13 years earlier – though this time, he looked straight at me and smiled! I melted. My inner fairy cheered and squealed with delight while my external me – cool, calm and collected, walked him out to my car from where I would take him out for our first date.

Nothing had changed, Joel was very very quiet. I rememberr wondering if this would work out – I have a history of being quite loud and boisterous – would he be comfortable with me? Could I handle a one way conversation? I was doing a mental check of my list to see how he shaped up.

By day 2 it was like we had known each other for ever. After a week together we knew we had hit it off fabulously! By the time Joel was due to leave, I had thought of every reason for him to stay… When he left I felt lonier than I’d ever felt before.

Within his first week back on the goldcoast, he told me he would be moving back to Cairns to be with me, to start a life together… The rest is history.

Now back to the list. At the time, there were a couple of things that didn’t match up. I wondered if I could settle for him being ‘everything but’ those things. I assessed how ‘important’ those points were – and decided I could ‘look past’ those minor things and take him for who he is